God, grant me a measure of your grace and forgiveness

Posted by: notfainthearted | June 29, 2007

God, grant me a measure of your grace and forgiveness

According to the Christian Alliance for Progress, there has been a formal apology from former leaders of an ex-gay ministry. CAPBlog doesn’t give any analysis or comment other than to provide links to two of the formal statements (here and here.)

For me, I give thanks to God that Michael Bussee, Darlene Bogle and Jeremy Marks are finally hearing the gospel and good news that we are all created by God and not abominations. I still grieve for all those people that were directly and indirectly wounded by these people bringing into any doubt that all people gay, straight or whatever are beloved of God.

I think it’s a hard burden for those GLBT persons (and their families and friends) who have been wounded by these messages to now have to be the ones to offer mercy and forgiveness to the ones who attacked them. I wouldn’t be able to find that grace within myself and would need a lot of prayer and therapy to come anywhere near a point where I could forgive them.

In fact I do need a lot of prayer and therapy to get there, because this “ministry” action has had such a huge ripple effect on the church I love. It will be decades before it is healed. And I grieve all the good and faithful people that are going to continue to suffer because of what this “ministry” has done. Not to mention the damage it has done to this country.

A year ago on This Journey I was contemplating secrets and other work crap.

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Responses

Danny Miller at Jew Eat Yet just wrote a post about how the gay pride parade was received in Israel. It seems you are in agreement.

By: churlita on June 29, 2007
at 12:42 am

If you take a look around the rest of the site where the statements have been posted, you’ll get a sense of the larger effort of which the apologies were one part.

The BeyondExGay.com project has been created by and for FORMER ex-gays who are now healing, re-centering themselves, and figuring out how best to give voice to what they have experienced. They have found that, while some good may have come from their ex-gay experiences, on the whole ex-gay life caused more harm than good.

Tonight begins a conference of former ex-gays, their friends, families, and supporters in Irvine CA. The founders of the group have invited leaders of Exodus International to share a meal and to hear their stories.

Take care…

By: Steve Boese on June 29, 2007
at 12:52 pm

Steve,
Thanks for stopping by. I have looked around the BeyondExGay.com site and understand intellectually with what you are saying.

I pray the BeyondExGay project can be as successful and far-reaching as Exodus and other ex-gay programs have been.

The point of my post though is that while you and others have had a change of heart and understanding of your and others’ place as a child of God just as you are, an apology (formal or informal) does not un-do the wounding. For yourself or others that were affected by this.

My point is that for all people who have been abused or wounded, whether emotionally, physically or spiritually the repentence of the abuser does not automatically flip a switch in the abused that allows the abused the healing of forgivenesss. One has to be careful when repenting and apologizing that one doesn’t fall into the idea of “I’ve apologized now you have to forgive me and move on.” One has to acknowledge that for the victim of the abuse getting to that place takes time and prayer and probably some therapy.

Please also note that I am NOT AUTOMATICALLY asigning that attitude of “get over it” to anyone who has made that formal apology or who is associated with the BeyondExGay project. From my reading of the site it seems that the project if VERY aware of the process of healing that is required.

As far as I can tell from here, this project is the beginning of an answer to my prayer for healing of the church around these issues.

Blessings.

By: notfainthearted on June 29, 2007
at 1:18 pm

Exactly… I do best when I’m mindful that the work of reconcilation, of healing, of grief and loss are all complex and happen in relationship with others over time. Pat answers and symbolic gestures are sometimes part of those kinds of processes, but they must not be misconstrued as the entirety of the process.

I’m the survivor of my partner’s suicide in late 2000 when he was 46 and about a year into his coming-out journey after a 22-year marriage. Suicide is another area in which some folks grossly oversimplify, laying unitary blame for the death of a gay but struggling loved one at the feet of conservative Christians who were/are not supportive.

As far as I’m concerned, I would do an injustice to Dale’s life if I focused blame on any one thing or person. It’s much more complex than that; healing and prevention will come from on me working to make the world a better place. It’s not going to include reducing his life to a picture or a slogan on a poster, it will be more about relationship-building in my communities.

My sense is that the context of the apologies by Darlene, Michael, and Jeremy is similar — the public faces on Wednesday were one small part of the overall process of reconciliation through relationships.

Take care…

By: Steve Boese on June 29, 2007
at 2:34 pm

Steve,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds like you have been comforted by the promise of the Ressurection and enlivened by the Holy Spirit to use your gifts toward healing not only yourself but your community.
God’s blessings on your journey.

By: notfainthearted on June 29, 2007
at 5:02 pm